Smile - Episode Four

Peter and Betty sat giggling on the sofa, intoxicated by the smoke that was even now swirling around the entire cottage. Peter had been trying to probe Betty on their past misadventures.

“What’s with Brighton Pier then? Is it haunted or something?” Peter asked.

“It’s not the pier you are thinking of, it’s the other one.”

“The one that burnt down?”

“Yes, every now and then it sort of comes back.”

“What?”

 “Don’t ask me how. Barbara’s better at technical things, I’m more earthy.”

“If you don’t know how, do you know why?”

“Yes, sort of, well no. Barbara says it’s caught in some kind of time trap thingie. All I know is it’s never for very long; every time we almost work it out; a mysterious cloaked figure stops us and then it disappears again. We’ll work it out next time.”

“Right, any other tales you’re allowed to tell me?”

“There were the mechanical maniacal Morris dancers, and crikey could they move. A right handful!”

“And a mouthful, Try saying that five times.”

Betty passed the remains of the makeshift rollie to Peter. Before inhaling, Peter studied the smoke slowly rising from the end of it. Like a ghostly serpent it coiled round and round itself as it went up, eventually losing its individuality as it merged with the thick haze that drifted above them.

“I thought we weren’t allowed to smoke in the cottage?” Peter asked; his eyes still transfixed to the shifting images on the ceiling.

“You never heard of Fabreeze?”

“I think we’ve gone a bit far for Fabreeze?” Peter giggled before pulling a mock sad face, “Christopher is going to kill me?”

“Do you often do as Christopher tells you?” Betty asked. “Is he the boss?”

“It’s not like that. Chris is the sensible one, that’s all.” Peter protested, before adding “He does like to moan though.”

“I know what you mean. My goodness does Barbara like a good moan.”

Peter began to stare at Betty’s hair.

“What?” Betty asked. “Something in my hair?”

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Of course Pete, we’re friends now aren’t we? You’re the only one who spent my birthday with me.”

“Why do you hide in your hair?”

Betty laughed even louder.

“Because my dear boy, I look like someone who should.”

“I don’t believe that for a second. Let me have a look?”

Contrary to Betty’s usual behaviour, she let Peter push her hair back each side. He found two elastic bands and tied her hair back into two bunches. He sat back down on the sofa next to Betty and studied her for a moment.

“Well Pete what’s the damage?”

“To be fair Betts those ridiculous glasses are so large, all I can see are two huge eyes staring back at me.”

“I’ve got really bad eyesight, it’s a huge magnification.” Betty looked a bit sad, “besides I thought it gave me character.”

“It definitely gives you character Betts” Peter laughed. “But you know they can do magnified lenses much thinner now, or you could get contacts?”

“We don’t talk about contact lenses. We had a bad incident with a contact lens once; which led to the eventual death of a woman’s Budgie and a picture of my posterior posted on the internet.”

“What?” Peter nearly choked on the smoke, “is it still on there?”

“Yes, but if anyone opens the file their computer gets hit by a multi virus that incapacitates the whole system. It’s called the hairy man in a pair of jeans Virus, Barbara created it.”

Peter couldn't stop laughing “Are you changing the subject? Let me take your glasses off.” Without waiting for a reply, Peter took them off anyway.

Betty had a small delicate face underneath, tiny eyes and smooth pale skin.

“Wow Betts, you’re gorgeous.”

“Really” Betty replied, did her pale skin turn a subtle red? Either way she quickly put her spectacles back on.

“So it’s just the two of you living here, you’re both single?”

“Yes, of late we only have each other, well and Digby of course.”

“Digby?”

“My cat, he’s a great big bundle of fluff. He’s around here somewhere? Often gets confused for a cuddly toy or cushion; and he doesn’t like it.”

“How long have you and Barbara been friends?”

“You do ask an awful lot of questions Pete.”

“Sorry, I get chatty when I’m smoking.”

“When we first met we hated each other, and we stayed hating each other for about a year. The funny thing is we hadn’t even spoken, it was instant mutual hatred” Betty laughed. “Hatred at first sight if you will.”

“What changed?”

“One day we finally spoke to each other; we had to; pretty much stuck together ever since.”

Peter chuckled as he lay backwards resting his head into a warm comfy cushion. There was a hiss and four sets of claws embedded themselves into his head. Peter screamed out in pain.

“Ah there’s Digby” Betty chuckled.

Peter sprang to his feet with the cat still attached to the back of his head. He tried to blindly prise the claws from his flesh; but the more he pulled; the more the claws dug even deeper.

“Pete the more you struggle, the worse it’ll get. Just relax, stand perfectly still and relax.”

“Easy for you to say; I’ve got an assassin drawing copious amount of blood out of my cranium. I think one of his claws has actually penetrated my brain?”

“Honestly just relax; I promise Digby will be off in a jiffy; you just startled the poor thing.”

Peter stopped fighting the mad cloud and tried the best he could to relax. Sure enough he felt the vice like grip slowly begin to lift. A second later his head suddenly felt much lighter. He searched the back of his head with his hands, in finding nothing he spun round to see where his attacker had gone. The death cloud was nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s he gone?” Peter asked turning back to Betty, who was nestling a bundle of white fluff in her arms.

“Poor, poor Diggers.” Betty said to the cat as though it was a sweet innocent kitten, but Peter knew it was far from that. He couldn’t even tell which end was which, he wondered if even Betty did? She was probably even now talking to his backside. He hoped she didn’t try and kiss the cat on the nose.

Digby jumped down from his owner’s arms and seemingly glided across the floor to the hallway door. Because the white fluff completely encompassed the creature including his feet, for all Peter knew the cat was wearing roller skates. Still at least he now knew which end was front, in which case Betty had been talking to the wrong end all along.

After Betty checked his head for any damage; which was quite minimal to Peter’s disgust; Peter felt quite restless and decided to wonder around the cottage. He didn’t get that far in the end; as soon as he stepped through into the hallway he was greeted by two huge ornate doors, the entrance to the Library.

Peter sat down on the carpet, staring up at the library doors in a kind of stoned awe. Betty followed and sat down next to him.

“So you’ve never been in there, ever?” Peter asked.

“No” Betty replied. Even in that one word Peter could sense sadness and maybe a hint of wonder in her voice. He could tell that Betty not only wanted to know what was in that room, but why she wasn’t allowed to know.

“Do you want to?”

“Of course. But I can’t it's forbidden.”

“But it’s your birthday.”

“It is my birthday.”

“And you’ve already broken the no smoking in the cottage rule.”

“Do you think she’ll notice the carpet?”

“I moved the sofa over the spot earlier.”

“But when she moves the sofa back?”

“Stop changing the subject. You told me you always break the smoking in the cottage rule and get away with it.”

“That’s because I spray Fabreeze.”

“Well after we peek in the library, spray some Fabreeze and she’ll never know.”

Peter stood up albeit rather wobbly; walked over to the door and tried the handle. He turned it this way and that; slowly at first but then more fiercely.

“It’s locked” He finally said.

“Of course it’s locked, and Barbara has the key.”

Peter collapsed back to the ground with the look of utter defeat.

“But I know where she keeps it. She forgot I found out… with help.”

Peter looked confused.

It didn’t take Betty long before she returned with key in shaking hand, she slowly slid it into the lock of the door.

“Are you sure we should be doing this?” she asked.

“Of course” Peter replied.

“Am I sure we should be doing this?”

“Of course.”

Betty swallowed hard and turned the silver key in the lock. There was sound of workings from within the door, it was unlocking.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this” Betty said her excitement and fear at fever pitch.

“Can’t believe you are doing what; exactly?” A loud familiar voice came from the other end of the hallway. Without even looking pulled the key out and sneakily passed it to Peter; who just as fast dropped it in his pocket. They were the perfect accomplices.

“Barbara your back already, did everything go alright?” Betty said changing the subject quickly.

“Betty Finch have you been smoking in my cottage with this vagabond.”

“Excuse me” Peter tried to defend the both of them but Barbara was showing no signs of listening or even caring.

“Christopher you can deal with your wayward friend. Betty; come with me; we need to go for a drive and give you a clear head.”

“Don’t be hard on us. It is my birthday.”

“Birthday it maybe but I need you and Peter to go on a breaking and entering mission tonight, you knew this might happen yet you decide to bug out. What must our clients think of us?”

“I don’t think Peter’s complaining” Betty giggled and Peter followed suit.

“That’s enough Betty, with me.” That was all Barbara needed to say, she simply turned and walked away with Betty; head lowered; following along close behind. Which left Peter ever so slightly stoned and alone with a very mad looking Christopher.

Here we go again. Peter thought.

“You promised me you would stop Peter” said Christopher in that painfully I’m only moaning because I care tone.

“It was Betty’s birthday we were just having a laugh.”

“The only reason we are here is because of your brother. We are doing all this for you Pete and while I was trapped with that sick smiling snake you were here smoking your way to oblivion, again!”

“For god sake Chris I’ve just lost my brother and inadvertently given him to the very people who may have had a hand in his death.”

“Don’t you dare use your brother as an excuse. I can’t believe you’re using that excuse again?”

“Again? What do you mean again?” Peter shouted back.

“Instead of crying like any normal guy you turn to that bloody stuff. Have you ever thought maybe actually talking about your brother might help?”

“So what are you saying now, I’m not sad about my brother because you haven’t seen me cry.”

“I’m not saying that, I’m saying you bottle it up and get stoned and angry instead.”

“The only thing making me angry right now is you.”

“I’m just trying to make you see what you’re doing, if you just talked about your brother or even your parents you might come to terms with what’s happened.”

“Come to terms? You try coming to terms. Imagine it was your brother?”

“But Adam was like a brother to me; I bloody miss him too; you and Adam are the only family I’ve got now.”

“Don’t be ridiculous you’ve got your parents.”

“Who hate me. I lost them the same time you lost yours.”

“How dare you compare your parents kicking you out to mine dying.”

“For God sake Pete, stop it. You’re twisting everything I say; I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”

“Stop talking then; In fact go; none of this concerns you anyway.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Come on we’ve been heading for this for months. don’t deny it?”

“We’ve had our problems.”

“Problem solved, go home.”

“I’m not leaving you Pete, not while all this is going on. We’ll discuss it after when we’ve got your brother back.”

“Fine, stay or go I don’t care anymore. But there’s nothing to discuss, it’s over.” And with that Peter turned and walked away.

*

Barbara and Betty were in the land rover, Barbara was driving and Betty had her head half stuck out the window with the wind blowing at speed through her madly mangled hair.

“Betty why are you influencing this boy in all your bad habits?”

“That boy needed no introduction. He could probably show me a thing or two.”

“You’re not helping the client though” Barbara was being stern again, it always made Betty feel like she was a child. “I know it’s your Birthday and how important that is to you; but I think these two boys are going through something; and you waving the weed in front of one of them every five minutes is simply not helping matters.”

“I’m sorry Barbara.” Betty said and meant it. Barbara turned to Betty and patted her knee.

“That’s okay old bean, I know you mean well.”

Something small and white darted out in front of the Land Rover. Barbara slammed on the breaks; but the sound something banging against the front of the car meant she was too late.

“Oh my goodness” Barbara said, slightly shaken by the quickness of the event. Betty was already out the vehicle and had made her way to the front; she now stood peering over whatever it was that Barbara had hit.

“Betts what did I hit? Is it okay?” Barbara called out.

“It’s a cat Barbara. What does it mean if it’s still purring?” Betty replied as she bent down lower and scooped the unseen cat up in her arms.

“Really?” asked Barbara hopefully.

“Yeah I think it’s alright” Betty said as she hugged the little thing tightly and walked over to Barbara’s window. “Look.”

Barbara looked at the cat cradled in Betty’s arms and sighed.

“Betty”

“Oh you poor sweet little thing” she said, “what did the scary old lady do to you?”

“Betty.”

“That’s such a loud purr for such a little thing. You’re happy now aunt Betty is here.”

“For goodness sake Betty.”

“What?”

“Look at the cat.”

“What?”

“Look at the cat Betty.”

Confused, Betty looked down at the purring cat resting in her arms, snuggled in the thick sleeves of her coat. The way it looked up at her, she could tell its little life had gone.

“I don’t understand” was all Betty could manage, then, “I did it again, didn’t I?”

Barbara got out the land rover and put her arms around Betty.

“I know deary, I know. It will all make sense one day” Barbara then helped Betty into the car, “We’ll find a good place in the garden to bury her. Then you’ll never forget her. Okay?”

The drive back to the cottage was a quiet one. Betty spent the whole time starring down at the cat; maybe hoping her will alone could bring the little creature back to life; it couldn’t.

It hadn’t been the drive Barbara was hoping for, but if nothing else it had certainly woken Betty up.

Back at the Cottage they held a small service for Betty’s new friend, and buried her under one of the apple trees. Betty thought she’d like the apples. After that they gathered together and plotted their next move.

“This is the big one” Barbara told them. “We’ll drive in the Land rover to the parlour tonight just when it’s closing. Christopher and I will follow the funeral director when he leaves while Peter, you and Betty sneak round the back of the parlour and get in”

“You make it sound so easy” said Peter.

“That is the easy bit. Next you break into Jacobs safe and get the basement key.”

“And then” said Betty.

“And then I want you to get into the basement and find out what’s going on down there. If nothing, sneak back out and no one will be the wiser. But if you do, grab Adam and get out as quick as possible.”

“And while we’re doing all this?”

“We’ll be following Jacob, if it looks like he’s returning to the parlour I’ll make contact.”

Before anyone had a chance to question or argue, Barbara had them out the door and down the path to her ever faithful Land Rover.

It was already dark as they sped towards the funeral parlour, though ‘sped’ for a Land rover as old as this was approximately thirty five miles an hour.

The four occupants sat perfectly quiet for the duration of the journey. Barbara, probably because she was in deep thought about what lay ahead of them that evening. Betty still had thoughts of that poor cat that now lay forever in sleep. How could she have still thought it alive when it was so obviously dead in her arms?

As for Peter and Christopher; heads full of sadness and anger; they didn’t know what to say to each other. As Christopher sat in the front passenger seat, Peter preferred to stare out the window rather than accidentally catch Christopher’s eye in the rear view mirror.

When the Land Rover finally reached the funeral parlour, they all looked at it with a new level of dread. The street lamps lit only half the building, putting the rest into shadow and making it no longer look merely normal.

Christopher now wished the building had been painted blue and dotted with white clouds, he was glad he didn’t have to set another foot back in there. He turned to Peter to ask him if he really wanted to go in there, but nothing came out. He wanted to tell Peter to leave it, that they should just run away and start afresh. He wanted to tell Peter a lot of things, but all he could do was stare.

Peter turned back from looking at the building to catch Christopher staring at him. It was a really strange stare, Pete didn’t like it much. The idea of breaking in here originally hadn’t fazed him; but the way Christopher was looking at him now; with a sadness and fear 
Pete had never seen before; suddenly he felt really scared.

Peter thought he should say something to Christopher, anything would do. At the very least it would stop him looking at him that way, but nothing would come. So they both just stared at each other, eyes locked and in total silence.

“Time to go, Jacob is heading for the hearse” Barbara shouted.

It was enough to break Peter and Christopher out of their trance. Peter reluctantly climbed out the Land Rover to join Betty who was already waiting. As soon as he was out Barbara started the engine and slowly drove away. Christopher was still staring out the window at Peter, he smiled. Peter smiled back then watched as the Land Rover disappeared into the darkness.

Peter turned to the All-smiles funeral parlour. Whatever was going on in the bowels of that building; whatever dark secret it hid; Peter vowed to his Brother he would find out and get Adam back.

To Be Continued Tomorrow...